On My Porch

General Hospital's Nancy Lee Grahn Hosts the First of Her Series of Issue-Oriented Chats With Some of Your Favorite Soap Stars

by Nancy Lee Grahn, Edited by Kristin Gallagher

SOD, 2000

    "I've always wanted a porch filled with wicker rockers and cushy pillows where I could rock my baby," shares Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis, GH).  "Thus explains 'Kate's Porch.'  My daughter does, however, lend it out to me on occasion for tea and good conversation with friends.  This particular gathering is the first of a series of conversations dedicated to a specific issue intended to provoke your interest and the interest of our invited guests.  I'll be your host.  Kristin Gallagher will be the mediator and joining us this time around are Maurice Benard (Sonny), Ron Hale (Mike), A Martinez (Roy), Billy Warlock (A.J.) and Jackie Zeman (Bobbie).  Our first topic is one that  concerns us greatly:  We are constantly being barraged with images of skinny females on television, in film and in magazines.  Are these images producing unhealthy thinking and unrealistic expectations in our daughters?  What do you think?"

Nancy Lee Grahn:  Why do you think this sort of trend is happening?

Ron Hale:  Women have to ask why they're not only imposing this upon themselves, but on their peers, too.  I do not think men impose that on each other. 

Maurice Benard:  Not many.

Grahn:  I think women are doing this to themselves.  That's what is so disturbing.  (To Benard)  You have two daughters (Cailey, 5, Cassidy, 10 months)....

Benard:  I can't go by that, but I can go by someone else I know who's about 15 and is overweight.  It really starts with depression and self-esteem and that comes from the environment of the home.  Yes, this adds on to it, the media and looking at these magazines.  But when I talk to her, it's how she's made to feel.

Grahn:  But she's 15.  At 15, your ovaries are working, and you need that extra fat so you can eventually have babies.  She shouldn't have to diet.

A Martinez:  It's all part of the same idea:  People get skinny because they're afraid of being fat.  What gets lost in this is the idea of being healthy.

Digest:  Where do they get the idea of being afraid to be fat?

Grahn:  Everything is about getting rid of fat and hating fat, so when a girl naturally puts on fat, she hates the most natural thing happening to her body.  The irony is that thinness seems to be a symbol of control, but to me, it appears out of control.

Martinez:  That's why you've got to talk about what you think is important.

Benard:  Communication.

Hale:  It's up to the parents of any child to give them a sense of security, a sense of themselves.  We have to reinforce that on a constant basis.  As long as they have that solid base at home and that belief in themselves, that's what they'll fall back on.

Jacklyn Zeman:  From the time my girls were really small, I tried to emphasize that it's what's on the inside that is more important than the physical.  It's more important to be a kind person, a generous person.  As far as eating, I've always told them about what's on the plate in terms of what it does for them.  You know, eat a tomato, it's good for your skin; calcium is good for your bones....

Grahn:  A lot of it is also the fashions.  You have to be a bone to wear a lot of this stuff.  The clothes are designed on models who are literally clothes hangars.

Billy Warlock:  The mentality that men and women have, it's amazing how different it is.  You guys have so much more pressure on you than we do.

Grahn:  I have this thing that I will never let my daughter hear me say, "I'm fat," or give her any indication that I am not pleased with my body.  (To Benard)  Does (your wife) Paula ever say anything like that in front of your daughters?

Benard:  I don't think Paula says anything like that in front of them.  Maybe to me when they're in the room.

Grahn:  How do you feel about them hearing something like that?

Benard:  Well, now that you brought it up -- not good.  But before, I probably never thought about it.  You've got to tell your daughter:  "It's not about how you look, it's how you feel inside. (What's important) is your self-esteem.  And I love you."

Martinez:  (My wife) Leslie was a swimmer when she was growing up.  So, her whole thing is to stay strong.  Have them think in terms of what you do in order to have energy and feel good.

Warlock:  The bottom line is, we are who we are.  All you can do is love them and give them support.

Grahn:  You also have to be a living example.  Let's not forget, many of the popular actresses out there now weren't as thin when they began.  All of a sudden, I see women with absolutely no body fat on their bodies who get applauded for it.

Martinez:  Hollywood must have done research somewhere that convinced them that body type was what appealed to a bigger chunk of the potential audience.

Digest:  Which do you think came first:  Society wanting to see thin people and this industry responding, or vice versa?

Hale:  It's the industry.  The guy and gal at home turn on their TV and they're only seeing the options they're given.

Digest:  And as a result, they're often looking at you guys as their ideal.

Grahn:  People are looking at us and saying," I wish I were that thin."  But, it's very important to have these young girls feel good about themselves.  I want people to know that we're lit, that our clothes are tailored to fit.  I want people to be aware of that and not compare themselves to us.

Martinez:  I figured the best I can do is....I just want to feel good.

Grahn:  I think that's a great goal -- to encourage our girls to feel good.

Martinez:  We talk about pleasure, too.  Isn't a French fry wonderful?  We talk about how there's value in pleasure.

Grahn:  So, balance -- teaching them that it's all OK.

Zeman:  I couldn't stand not having Cheetos or Fritos (laughs)!

Grahn:  Right, and there's value in that kind of pleasure.  So, you try to teach them that there's also pleasure in eating a carrot because it'll make your body feel good.

Zeman:  But I also run every day and I eat three meals a day.

Grahn:  A lot of the popular actresses are choosing to be a size 0.  The good thing is that people are noticing that this is abnormal.  If you're at a very low weight, that's an unnatural place to be.

Martinez:  And you're damaging your heart because if you do not give your body enough fuel, it's going to eat itself.

Digest:  Should kids be steered away from making celebrities their ideals?

Benard:  Sure, that'd be great.

Zeman:  My kids have this thing about Bill Gates!  They talk about Bill Gates and I think that's great.

Digest:  What unique role does a father play in helping to shape his daughter's views on issues like this?

Martinez:  I really believe my daughters are getting a sense of what's cool with men from the way I react to them.  You've got to make sure you do not blow that.

Digest:  What about peer pressure?

Warlock:  The support you get from your family helps you deal with that.

Martinez:  People are generally more complimentary about the way you look if there's less of you.  I've never heard someone say, "Hey, you're looking good," if it's after Christmas and you've had too much pecan pie.

Grahn:  You get applauded for how thin you are.

Warlock:  Men and women do.

Grahn:  Wouldn't it be nice if everybody stopped noticing?

Zeman:  I have a girlfriend who has a serious eating disorder.  When I said something to her about it, she said:  "I do not want to discuss it.  If you're really my friend, you won't push me."

Grahn:  This seems to be a form of control and discipline.  It's to the extreme.

Martinez:  Leslie tells me to be careful because I seem to have this need to make sure that my kids are eating their food.  Her point is that if you push too hard, you might get (from the kid), "Okay, this is someplace where I can exert my control."

Grahn:  So, try to get the message through to them, but be easy about it.

Digest:  Are you optimistic that things will get better for your kids?

Grahn:  I am.  But, I think there are things we can do to make a contribution.  Giving young people choices, different images to choose from and lots of pats on the back for finding new ways to feel good.

Hale:  I have to be optimistic.  What's your alternative?  I think this is a phase and somehow it's going to work through itself because Mother Nature, in order to survive, has to replenish and go full circle.

Martinez:  I do not feel optimistic or pessimistic.  It's just this great human river and we're floating along in it.  I always try to cover my kids and do the best for them.

Grahn:  I think things are going to change, as a result of (discussions) like this.  Thank you everyone.

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